Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Love Bears All Things

Meet Bear.

He is Luke's beloved and I'll admit it, I envy Bear!

Bear gets all the hugs, kisses and cuddles, poor bear has no nose because it got bitten off from the constant biting kisses! He got this bear from grandma, she purchased it for him from Build-a Bear for his first Christmas, since then they've been inseparable!

But when it comes to mommy Luke is not very affectionate, I've struggled with this to the point of tears. I've asked myself "Did I do something wrong? Does he love me?" When I was pregnant and found out he was a boy people would always tell me how sweet boys are to their mommies so I anxiously waited for that day to come! I'm still waiting...

I even found myself googling for answers, "Why is my child not affectionate?"

I try to kiss him and he leans his head in instead, I try to hug him and he fights me and wiggles himself out of my arms. When he gets hurt or when we're out around crowds he does want me and runs to me but that's about it.

All I want to do is cuddle and love on this kid I so fervently prayed for!

I have to accept that that's just the who he is, he's never been that kid who wants to be held. Since he was a baby he didn't like sleeping in my arms he just wanted to be put in his crib to sleep. With me and others he's not a hugger, he's a fist pump type of dude.  Now as a toddler he's that strong willed, let me do it on my own, don't hold my hand type of boy.

We've had plenty of meltdowns in parking lots because he wants to walk all by himself! He'd rather throw himself on the ground than hold my hand! That turkey...

Well all that doesn't keep me from kissing and hugging him one bit! He'll just squeal and get a silly grin on his face, I know deep down inside he enjoys me and does love his momma but he likes to plays the hard to to get card with me!

Luke's strong willed personality has drawn me to prayer.

I keep a prayer journal specifically for him and over and over again the pages are filled with, "Lord help him to be loving, help him obey, help him not be so angry and to not hit, help me be loving and patient with him" and of course my biggest prayer is that he would come to know Jesus.

I've began to see some of these prayers answered. My lap is becoming a comfy seat on the couch and at the dinner table, I'll take it! He blows kisses to people when he says bye! He pats Noah on the head sometimes. And just the other night he sorta kissed me! He leaned in real close and it was more of a bite but I'm pretty sure he was trying to kiss me! I got teary eyed I was so happy! I'll take any form of affection from this kid even if its just for a few seconds!

So back to bear. He was once just a nap/bed time companion now he gets dragged around everywhere! He's developed this distinct musty detergent smell that Luke loves and sniffs when he holds him. 
One day he'll get tired of bear and move his affection towards other things, maybe not even me and that's ok, maybe it will be his future wife. I bet she won't have a problem getting him to hold her hand and give her kisses and if she does we'll be able to relate and talk about how I had the same issue when he was little and we'll pray for him together! For now I will continue to love him unconditionally and continue to display Gods love towards him.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 
Love never ends. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Luke with Bear around 7 months.
This is normal.
Just hanging outside, with bear of course!
We tried buying him a new bear after he bit off the nose of his real bear but he's faithful to bear.

The usual response to mommy trying to hold him!
Look at that grin!
The first time he actually laid with me, he woke up crying and then laid on the couch with me! This never happens!
I'm telling you this is normal for most moms, for me its a real treat! It also helped that I had a cookie!
Mommy will always love you and give you a million kisses, get used to it!

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