Wednesday, June 12, 2013

The Start of a Father

Luke was about two weeks, old fresh out of the hospital. We were just getting comfortable being really hands on and giving him sponge baths when we decided to whip out the nice big bath tub. It was also the first time Fred and I were attempting to take him a bath by ourselves no more grandmas or aunties around to help or snap pictures, just the two of us doing it on our own, all grown up.

We both make a good team and came up with the perfect method. I was going to lather and sponge, Fred was going to rinse him with water. What can go wrong?

It was nerve racking but we were doing great, all smiles, pretty tense but we were doing good. I told Fred to make sure he didn't get any water in his ears, I don't know how diligent one must be when it comes to getting water in babies ears but we figured it was bad and didn't want Luke to end up getting an ear infection.  

I probably put too much soap on Luke's head but with all that hair on that little head how could i not? Fred had to get all the soap off and began to pour water on his head and like slow motion we saw all the water run down like a river right into his little baby ear.

Fred face turned pale as he turned to stone, petrified his heart sank and tears immediately ran down his face. He felt defeated thinking he had hurt his son, crying with his lip quivering he said, "I can't do this, you do it," and walked out of the room. For the first time I saw Fred's pure, genuine vulnerability and it cut me straight to the heart.

Those last two weeks Fred had done such an amazing job being a new father, changing diapers, waking up with him, caring for him and for the first time he felt like he had harmed Luke and he was completely heart broken and distraught.

I immediately began to cry because I had just witnessed something so beautiful and tender. I saw the love of a father for his son, the fear he had that he had hurt his son and the disappointment he felt because he thought he had failed as a father. "It's ok, he's ok, please come back let's finish together " I said holding him and trying to console him, "you're doing good." 

Fred didn't want to finish the bath but I knew I had to encourage him to not give up. We finished Luke's bath both in tears. I always knew Fred was going to be an amazing dad but that night just confirmed it. I'm so blessed to be his wife and I know our children are so blessed to have him as a father. I could not ask for a better man. I love you babe, Happy Father's Day! 

By the way I showed Fred the story before sharing it with everyone just to make sure he was ok with me sharing and he wanted me to add that the other day he took Luke a bath all by himself!

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Finding out the BIG News!

So yes! The whole world finally knows, I'm PREGNANT! I haven't written on my blog for a while, with the nausea, vomiting, tiredness, cleaning and taking care of Luke on top of it all I really haven't had the time! So now that I'm feeling better finally a post! A happy pregnant post!

With Luke being so young many would think this was a total "oopsie" but as crazy as it sounds just a few weeks before finding out I was pregnant I began praying for another baby. Fred and I have always wanted our kids close in age so a growing family and another baby was a part of the desires of our heart and what we really wanted! I honestly did not expect my prayer to be answered so fast! Some take for granted the gift of life in the womb and with past miscarriages and having friends that are struggling to conceive I'm just so grateful and humbled that the Lord would allow us to conceive so soon and so simple, just truly a blessing from the Lord!

So this is how it went down.

I had just completely weaned Luke off and I was waiting for my period to come, I was not looking forward to it, not having a period for 16 months was really nice! Well guess what? Instead of a period coming nausea decided to visit me instead! I was sitting on the couch watching some country singer sing about biscuits and gravy and just the though of biscuits and gravy started to make me gag! It still makes me want to gag now! I though, "this is kinda strange, I like biscuits and gravy! Whats wrong with me, could I be pregnant?" So I decided to buy a pregnancy test from the dollar tree. Fred worked that night so I came home and took the test. I though like most pregnancy tests I have taken it was just going to be negative and ease my suspicions but in the back of my mind and heart I was really hoping I was pregnant!

I was shocked and amazed when I saw the 2 beautiful dark lines on the test that instantly appeared! A positive test staring me in the face! I filled up with tears!!! I couldn't believe it! All I kept thinking was "Is this really happening? Am I really having another baby?" I was in complete shock! I could not believe the Lord was giving us another baby! I decided I needed a day before telling Fred so that I could plan out this grandiose way of telling him we were expecting! It did not go the way I planned, which not many things in my life do so I'm not surprised!

Fred came home that night. I kept it cool, he had no suspicions. Right before bed I opened my drawer to get my pjs, my old Victoria's Secret two piece honeymoon bikini was there and I tell Fred, "I need to get rid of this thing, I'm never going to wear it again, look at me!" Then the craziest thing happened. Fred starts rubbing my belly and jokingly says, "Don't talk about the baby like that!" He continued to kiss my belly and whispers on my stomach "I love you baby!" I stood there speechless in awe of what had just happened then my eyes teared up and I got a huge smile on my face! Then he looked at me with a confused look and asked, "There's not a baby in there, is there?" Full of joy and excitement I shouted, "YES! I'M PREGNANT!" and I ran to show him the positive pregnancy test! It was a joyous unforgettable night! I didn't even have to tell Fred, he kinda guessed it on his own!

It took me 6 weeks to get to the doctor because we had to figure how it was going to work with me not having insurance and the whole time I was clueless about how far along I was. It was really hard not knowing and especially not knowing how the baby was doing. But then finally I had my first doctors appointment and the ultrasound showed a healthy 12 week baby happily wiggling inside!

Now I'm a little over 14 weeks and I feel like everything is happening so fast! But I feel so blessed and so excited to experience the miracle of a growing life again! Belly getting big, feet kicking, finding out the gender (I think it's a girl), Luke becoming a big brother, looking forward to everything, maybe not the contractions but I know the Lord is faithful and will help me through!

Took another one the next day just to make sure!