Wednesday, October 2, 2013

A Lettter to My Firstborn

Dear Firstborn,

To say you have changed my life is an understatement. You've changed my heart, my spirit, my body, my view of life. I am a completely different person because of you and can confidently say you've also made me a better person.

Because of you I've realized I'm stronger than I thought I was and my need for God is greater than I have ever known. He's used you to show me patience, selflessness and a motherly unconditional love I didn't know I had. You've taught me to slow down and cherish the little moments.

You were the first one to literally give me butterflies from the inside as I felt your tiny body move inside of me. You were the first one to use my belly as your hiding nesting place and the first to hear the beat of my heart from the inside. I knew I loved you before I met you.

As my first born I held you fresh out my womb and I knew you were all mine. You made me a mommy. I stared at you in amazement and you looked just like daddy. I couldn't believe that you grew inside of me! I held you and fed you and I knew I'd rather give my life before I'd let you get hurt.

You introduced me to the life of motherhood with no instructions. You allowed me to explore all the foreign concepts of being a mommy. More than half of the time I didn't know what I was doing and I still feel that way, but you don't seem to mind and you're the only one that I don't feel judged by.

I watch you grow and it still amazes me today how someone so precious and beautiful came out of me. It feels like just yesterday that I used to watch you lay there all cuddled up as you slept. Now I watch you run and play and roll around like a little boy!

In a few weeks my eyes will no longer just be on you but you and your little brother! I know you didn't have a say and really had no choice. You may not like it right away but I know with time you'll come around.

Some days you might have to wait a little longer for breakfast, lunch or dinner. You may want to be held right away but mommy's arms will be full. Some days I might have less patience than others and I'm positive some days I might break down and join the two of you for a cry.

But soon enough the three of us will be laughing and playing and I'll take you boys to the park and you'll get to have a partner in crime! You'll teach your brother how to swing and climb and soon enough you'll be the best of friends. Together you'll learn to share, fight and forgive.

I promise my dear firstborn that I will always sneak in an extra kiss for you when I hold your baby brother. I promise I'll try to get to you as soon as I possibly can though it may not be soon enough for you sometimes. I promise that some days we'll make daddy watch baby brother and me and you will go on an adventure just the two of us!

I know our life's are changing for the better with the coming of your brother and I am so blessed that I get to have you by my side through this. You'll always be my first and my oldest, my little punkin, my sunshine, my Luke. I love you baby boy.

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