Luke turned 6 months and all of a sudden I felt like I was no longer in control! Luke had taken over! His personality came out and we absolutely fell in with it! I smile at him he smiles back, I tickle him he laughs, I hand him a toy he grabs it, I take him to the grocery store he screams... WHAT? My perfect child screams? Why yes and at the top of his lungs if he isn't happy or not getting what he wants quick enough. I was not mentally prepared for this.
It all came too fast. In one week I was trying to figure what and how much solid food to feed the kid, not sure if I was producing enough milk to meet his demands, should I just switch completely to formula instead? Consoling fussiness from a probable growth spurt and or teething, not wanting to nap, waking up more than usual in the middle of the night, changing the scenery and toys every five minutes before he had had enough and then scream, I didn't know if I should be taking action with the screaming tell him no? Discipline already? All day he wanted to constantly be carried and I was just worn out!
I was desperately looking forward to saturday morning women's bible study. Fred would watch Luke and I would get to leave the house all by myself! I knew that the moment they asked if anyone had prayer request I would jump up and spill out my frustrations from the crazy week and let them know how I was struggling to adjust to this new stage and I didn't know what to do with Luke. Most ladies there are mom's with kids ranging from the age of newborn to marrieds so I thought for sure that at the request of my prayer they would all jump up at once and share their advice on how they dealt with their children at that age, the methods and parenting styles they used and how I should be handling it. But instead, their answers took me by surprise.
I'm so blessed to be surrounded by wise and mature women at this bible they were so helpful. They all agreed that you're always unintentionally tougher with your first child and sometimes we have unrealistic expectations of them, one exclaimed she's still apologizing to her oldest who is already grown and married! One said she looks at old pictures of her kids and cant believe how much she expected of them at that age and now that she sees those pictures she thinks they were so small and just tiny babies back then! Another woman said to not do what others tell me to do as far as parenting, instead she suggested I seek the Lord for wisdom and guidance on how to handle situations that arise with Luke. It all sounded so straight forward and simple but that whole week I hadn't even thought about asking the Lord to show me and guide me as a mother and what specific way he wanted me to deal with Luke all I wanted is more sleep and for Luke to not scream. They prayed for me that morning that the Lord would give me wisdom and he did.
Luke had woken up various times one night. I was holding him trying to calm him down and I thought to myself no matter how many times Luke wakes up crying I'm going to come console him every time, then the verse came to mind "He will never leave you nor forsake you" Deuteronomy 31:6. And it hit me! I'm not just coming to tend his needs, he doesn't even know it yet but I'm demonstrating the attributes of God to him!
How many times have I as a grown up woken up in the middle of the night and cried out to the Lord for comfort because I was afraid or in pain? As I held Luke in my arms and prayed for him not really knowing what was wrong or what was hurting I was reminded of Jesus at the right hand of God interceding for us in Romans 8:34. Everything was just put into perspective for me.
That rough week I had had with Luke I was just being selfish because his needs didn't align with how much I was willing to sacrifice while Jesus my father sacrificed himself all the way to the cross for me!
I'm not saying that allowing a baby to cry at night or to get them to go to sleep is wrong and horrid and if you don't pick them up your a bad parent because there are days that I've had to do that! I think its completely ok, it's just important that even in the little things like that we are seeking the Lord first for wisdom and direction to how he wants us to parent and not just seek the world like I was doing when I was expecting those ladies to tell me what to do!
My decision to pick up Luke when he cries in the middle of the night is just what I felt the Lord wanted me specifically to do at that time in that situation and I think most importantly he wanted me to have a change of heart as a mommy and demonstrate Luke love by holding him.
That change of heart has helped me in the way I love and care for Luke. Never thought a little person could make me want to rip my hair out and melt my heart all at the same time. I wonder if we ever make the Lord feel the same way!